And I finally feel rested. Early to bed, and up at 6 am. I went over to my father's for dinner last night, and it might explain why I had what I can only call the shadows of a dream. I woke up thinking my father was dead. And so for roughly a half an hour, I was doing all I could to convince myself this was my imagination.
After all, I just saw him last night, and he looked fine. Wait, isn't that what people on TV always say. I started thinking about all the things I thought he was to me, and what he is and will always be. When I was a kid... I didn't have the trials and tribulations, the only thing that seemed to put a kink in my days of fun, was a father who knew to keep me on my toes. A John Wayne determination would be there to keep me moving forward. It agrivated me to no end, to push me to do more, and be more.... the nerve.
And what he is now, and always was, the most patient and understanding man alive. I have never done more or been more, but I think he is okay with that, as long as I don't forget to try. It was a drastic change. Going from a person I had to love, to a person who will always share my love (even if it was in that John Wayne fashion). Scariest of all, was that we had only gotten to that stage in what felt like such a recent time. And I thought I lost that... thought I lost him.
After I gathered my thoughts, which seemed to go everywhere. I checked the answering machine, hoping that a tell-tale message had not found it's way there. And I went down the hall... sat on the edge of my son's bed... and hugged him tight... kissed his hair. And he frowned. Just as I would have. Then I just whispered my love to him. And he smiled in his sleep.
Thanks for last night, Dad. You make a great steak. I love you.
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Oh, man. You have me in a puddle of tears. What a beautiful thing to say about your dad! I am glad that it was just a dream, and that you didn't have to face a reality to come to this conclusion.
A couple of weeks ago, the guy who works for my ex called him to say that his father had just been killed, crushed by the family car he was working on in the driveway. A shock to say the very least.
What surprised me was how they buried the man: in a plaid shirt, blue jeans, a ballcap on his head, and a fishing pole by his side. My ex said that the fellow looked like he would sit up at any second and declare the whole thing a joke. He was surrounded by friends and family, and they sent him out the way he lived. Very fitting, really.
So, I am touched to know that you appreciate your dad even more today than you thought you did last night. Good for you both.
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