So, I was sitting here at four in the morning... and I was pretty much wide awake. Being woken up will do that to me, I like to think it won't, and about half the time, I can get back to sleep, not lately. Nature called... and my stomach was bothering me anyway (but that is what I get for having Taco Bell after 7 pm. And I knew I couldn't ignore that... and I knew I could not go back to sleep.
And it has been like that, give or take, since Beck started her new job. On a good day, my son does not also get up. I have always had this... paranoia. Since I was a little kid. I don't think I could live in a house alone, I mean not for a long time. I would just be a frazzled mess. When I was a kid, going through our dark house at night and coming back from the bathroom or the kitchen after a drink of water. I was like lightning. Sometimes it was a noise, one of those bumps or thumps. More often then not, it was the wicked witch ... or Teen Wolf (my brother still gets a chuckle out of that)... or that episode of Unsolved Mysteries where they never found the serial killer... which was every episode. And I can remember... I always say it was Unsolved Mysteries but now that I think about it... it was so cornball it might have been Ripley's. Anyway, there was this episode... where they had this "real" werewolf... and they said he was crossing the Atlantic... coming to America. (I am sure they added something about coming for little boys... just for effect *a role now filled by Michael Jackson).
Anyway, I still have that kind of anxiety today. Which, kind of makes me feel like I am ten years old. This time it is mice or something silly like that. The bumps and thumps, I think sometimes I scare myself. I have moved beyond Teen Wolf - What? I have... Alright, the transformation in the bathroom is still a bit scary, but I am gold through the rest of it. I just, I have always admired my father, he was never scared of anything. And it just sits in my mind... ever prevalent from repeated early mornings. I at least want to be brave to my son.
Of course, it would not make me grown up... I mean there are still the comics... and toys... and all that, but I want to keep all that. It was also cool when I found out my dad read Archie... I mean, yeah it was Archie, but at least it was something that didn't involve the wilderness or John Wayne. It was three times as cool knowing my Grandma used to read all the Marvels when her and my grandfather were first married. Of course she lost most of that the minute she explained that right after reading... she threw them away.
Grown ups, honestly, wierd.
4 comments:
Well, I always leave a light on in the hall at night, ostensibly for the kids, but really....for me ;) And forget negotiating the stairs in the dark. I do not do it. I blame a show I watched when I was about 12 years old, called Nationwide, about Werewolves. Ask any Brit of about my age, and there's a good chance that they too will have werewolf anxieties still from watching it.
Also (me again), what is it with fathers and John Wayne? I remember the excruciating boredom of Sunday afternoons at home, with nothing between me and insanity but a John Wayne film, and the gleam in my father's eye as, no doubt, he fantasised that he was one of the good guys in the film. Still, at least it beat the 15 mile hikes or the fishing trips, his other pastimes of choice, which we were *encouraged* to share. *Shudder*.
Ok, seriously... creeping me out. Does your dad know my dad? It must be something... cause that was my childhood (well not 15 mile hikes) I can just hear Matthew bellowing at me... "Dad, we saw all the action figures and stuff. Do we have to walk the con floor, again?"
"Yes, son, this stuff is Daddy's life... Oooh vintage Hulk hands."
I admit that I always leave the OUTSIDE lights on, but none in the house.
I thought that I'd be more afraid living by myself, but I'm not. This is a decent neighbourhood, and I do have someone in the other side of the duplex where I could beat on the walls if necessary.
Besides, I have these two attack cats at my beck and call...
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