The Upside Outs of Inside Down

I never thought it would be odd to grow up when I was actually... growing up. I always kind of assumed it came to you, kind of had the nature show narrator guy running through my head, "And now the young annoyance has moved just beyond his teenage years, watch closely as the wife and family approach and the male can assimilate quickly into adulthood." It's really silly how much the childish things that you always strived for, like pleasing your family, will always come back around. Even when your world has become so much more than "your family".

I can literally see the branches stretching... people I had held so close, taking root elsewhere, and I am left struggling... blooming late I suppose. I have spent most of my life feeling this sort of inferiority, and I fight to chase it away. But instead, at any instance I shrink back, letting old habits live on, where once I wanted them to die (however difficultly). And as a result... life quite often takes me by surprise. It is surprising my brother wants to celebrate his birthday at his home, instead of here... where seemingly everyone is. He was the one to uproot... try as I might to do the same, life has a way of intervening. Anyway, at 26 years old, he has decided to make his day of birth ... his day? I would have never thought of that... tell everyone to come to me (not that I even want them here). It simply never would have occured to me.

And, while I fall behind in a sense of adulthood, I have always secluded parts of my life... my comics... my depression... my feeling of all around worthlessness. And in doing that, it adds a dimension to people I do share that with. In essence they become something to hide, and treasure. So, it makes it even harder when these "secret" friends want to branch out themselves. And who can blame them, I mean they can stay stagnant... keeping the same routines. Keeping closed off where I might fence them in. Is it any wonder that I continue to push everyone aside, I can't drag them down... not to where I always seem to end up.

~Please excuse the metaphors littered throughout this blog. The writer seems to deal with life better when mental imagery is involved~