I used to be a pretty popular guy, not like your jocks or anything. Just in that with the crutches or the wheelchair, I was hard to miss. Now, I am not saying that everyone liked me, try as I might to want that. And I am not saying some didn't avoid me. Something in the fact that going to school, having such a social routine, it forces even the most shelled individuals to put themselves out there.
And now, I don't have that. I mean living in my hometown, I see old friends, but I kind of hide myself. I certainly don't stay for conversation. Even if they seem happy to see me, in the back of my mind, I am judging myself harshly enough for them. I just can't invest like that, I even feel distanced from my best friend growing up. I have not said a word to him in months, and I have not seen him, since my wedding.
And really, I have always felt it was a void I could not fill, the friendship void. How can you be friends (even again) if you don't stay around for that first impression? And then you spend so much time... building yourself up... constructing a fortress. That when push comes to shove. Someone has to be really stubborn to try and set foot in that friend zone.
And I guess on day's like today, when I woke up so ill, that my body hurt. It was good to have a friend, even at 4 am. So, I think that void has been filled, it is a pretty good day when I can talk comics, and talk about all the stuff that I feel, and go away a better person. Even if only for a little while.
Keep your friends close...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
You know where you can find me.
I can relate to this. Not that I was ever popular; I was the Invisible Girl back at school, so not much has changed.
But the investment in friendship is hard. Of the people I knew as a child, I keep in contact only with those couple of people who have been too stubborn to leave me be. Actually, I'm very grateful for that, I think.
I don't know, real friendship is such a tough thing to pin down, or to understand. But I think know when you've found it. And in the end, it is worth the investment. I don't think it's too much to say that it has the power to enrich one's life enormously.
OK, you can tell I'm bored at work. Shutting up now ;)
Post a Comment